Time To Write

Time to write, right?

I would hope so, I mean what else am I going to do at three in the morning in the desert. Do you realize how beautiful the desert is? I mean in this dry and arid landscape there are so many plants and animals that not only survive but the strive. They grow and they prosper, in this land that seems so impossible. That is inspirational, even to me because I do believe that if these plants and animals can survive in these conditions then so can anyone else.

It's too early to be this late. I don't want to go to sleep, I don't want to go to sleep. I am not tired, I am far away from my loved ones, this alone time was necessary but i am using it to waste away.

I am using this time to waste away, I am wasting away, I let these distractions pull me in a thousand different directions, so instead of prospering in one direction, i do minimally well in several directions. I try many things, and never have the patience to perfect one thing. If I could work on something until I felt it was perfect and that I was an expert in that aspect I would be contented.

I worry that I will be forever discontented with the fact that I am drawn in so many directions. The things that stay permanent are the things that I do not have to work on, I have piercings, I have family, I have loved ones, and I don't work very hard on those relationships. Instead I let them go as they will without much of my own influence.

I cannot remember the last time I posted in this blog

Here i am on a decent Tuesday night wondering what to do and fighting the urge to eat a slice out of one of the three different cakes in the downstairs fridge. It isn't much of a fight because I happen to be upstairs, but if I had been downstairs I would be fighting a pretty hard battle.

Maybe you do understand, maybe you don't. There is a struggle not to eat constantly. Just so you know there was like an hour period between these two paragraphs in which I did eventually go down stairs and munch on a delicious slice of cake. But I also feel sick now, since I have started eating better and trying to keep my weight under wraps I have grown intolerant to some foods such as cake, more than one soda, or even more than two taco bell tacos. They tear my insides up.

So what have I been up too, well I am in college now, next year I will be able to get my associates degree, all i have to do at the moment is apply to be accepted to get the diploma. I am absolutely in love with my current boyfriend, his name is Adam and he is actually the second Adam I have ever dated. He is a butthead, but he is MY butthead. Finally bought my own computer, and if i had paid the extra $199 I am certain I would have gotten the disk drive and more storage. I am missing the disk drive but not the extra storage.

I am job hunting at the moment but also wondering if instead of job hunting I should use the money I have saved up and use that as tuition money to go into school for aesthetics. Face painting, body painting, special effects, and the likes. I like being self taught but the more I learn about it the more I realize I will always be a beginner until I actually get some schooling from professionals.